Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
