We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
