If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
