so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
