we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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