i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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