i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
