OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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