Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you're hired as official boob wrangler
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
