My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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