I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
