I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
