the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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