im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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