I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I still have a little drunk in my system
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
