I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
