i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm always down for nudity.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize