Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
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