If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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