i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
