i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
