we have officially lost it.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
