im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
