Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
