also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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