i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
