After last night, I could never be a politician.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize