I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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