You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
