Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
