did you get engaged???
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i think i just lost a toe
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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