I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
