I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
third nipple confirmed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
