K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
