id be glad to
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
