I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
