i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
