living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
