i already hear my dad disowning me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
