he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sarcasm needs its own font
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
