Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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