At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
