What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
