i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He? As in you personified your dick?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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