May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
