I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
