I like my sex mixed with concussions.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
