How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
