Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
