Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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