After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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