You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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