Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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