I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
