i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He better not be in your backpack
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
