Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
