he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
