I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
