In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
