oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
