we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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