i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
jump out the window naked night went bad
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
