i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
