Screwed.edu
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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