My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
