ya dads aren't the best wingmen
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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