so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
