There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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