Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
