So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
