Me. At least after what I've been through.
We need to rekindle our bromance
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
